BAJs

I think by now we all know that I do love to shop. In fact, I think maybe I have a bit of an addiction to the act of shopping. I will plan out of town vacations so that I just happen to cross paths with the best consignment stores in whatever city I am visiting. Seriously, I can give you the names of great stores for bargain hunting throughout the entire sunshine state! There is something just a little strange about that – maybe.

But there is one kind of shopping I no longer enjoy, and that is grocery shopping. I used to look forward to it back in the day - when I was younger and didn’t care so much about what I was eating. I remember well the many times I began my grocery shopping by grabbing two boxes of Nilla Wafers from the shelf – one to save for later and one to open immediately and eat while I shopped. My theory, which seemed sound at the time, was that eating while shopping prevented impulse buying caused by being hungry. Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Oh, come on. I was young and foolish, so just go with it!

Now that I am more mature (which sounds so much more acceptable than older) I do care about what I eat – because I want to stay away from those medical guys with the scalpels. So, I make an effort (as opposed to every effort, which would be way too much trouble) to avoid overly processed and unhealthy foods. I carefully read the labels and try to avoid foods with tons of cholesterol or sugars or trans fats. And while I am pleased with my efforts to make better choices, all of this makes the previously simple and enjoyable act of grocery shopping seem more like final exams in chemistry class!

The other thing I hate about grocery shopping is that you can’t wear what you buy. But then again, I suppose in a sense you can – if you are prone to buying the wrong things. But no one ever says, “Hey, that Blue Bell Rocky Road ice cream really looks great on your ass!” We women always worry about how we look from behind, don’t we? We shop for jeans by looking at the backside first to make sure they qualify as BAJs. (This is an acronym for butt action jeans, which are jeans that fit really well and have some special detailing on the back pockets.)

Maybe someone should market some BAJs with food labels on the back pockets for those of us who have a weakness for certain sweets!

For ice cream lovers like me - Blue Bell Bottom Jeans! Or Ben and Jerry’s Boot Cut Jeans?

If your preference for sweets tends to be more towards cookies, then the Nabisco Nilla Wafer Wide Leg Jeans might be a better choice for you.

If you are more of a Keebler fan, how about some Danish Wedding Cookie denims?

Have a weakness for those highly addictive peanut butter cups on the candy aisle? Then you need a pair of Reece’s Relaxed Fit Jeans, don’t you?

For those who prefer dehydrated and artificially colored marshmallows for breakfast, what about some Lucky Charms Low Rise Jeans?

Heck, Lucky brand jeans already uses the clover as their logo anyway so all they would need to do is add the pink hearts, orange stars, and yellow moons. And the little label on the inside of the fly, which currently reads “LUCKY YOU” could be modified to add the phrase “THESE STILL FIT!”